Ok so someone had asked that a thread be started regarding how to keep yourself from an unfortunate stigma placed on you as a new Scadian. So here you can tell your stories on how you learned the easy way, the hard way, or just plain chewed on a hoof so to speak.

Mi'Lorde.... Thank you very much for starting this....

Sadly I have played the "game" for years without becoming a full member... Upon moving to a "new" area I choose to jump right in and attempt the "play" here.... However I promptly started having issues.... As we have a small Barony here and a smaller Shire to the north... I made the big mistake of "publicly" thanking many members of the shire for making me feel more welcomed than the barony to which I am a part of.... Thus.... You can imagine how well that went over... Anyways it went down hill from there quickly when accidentally signed 2 posts "Ladye".... This was an accident as I had been working on a project in another group to which that is my title... and well... to go further down hill... As I am very vocal... I got offended at another members response to my question.... & well.... Now I do not truly know where I fit into this group... I am NOT a fighter... My weapon of choice is my sewing machine.... and it makes some wonderful pieces....

Thus any help... would be greatly appreciated.... I love the "game"... I love participating.... I am an ALL type personality.... and the Barony to which is in my area is rather "closed" off and very formal....

Ealasaid von Tartalome wrote:



Sounds familiar! Recently I was upset, on a personal level, with a friend of mine who I believed to have "dropped the ball" on a favor that she had agreed to do for me. I was complaining about this to a friend of mine, but apparently that conversation was not as private as I believed it to be. Next thing I know, somebody that I have never met is telling me that "news of your temper travels" and is complaining about me to kingdom level officers! Talk about putting your foot in it!

So, lessons learned? 1) Make sure private conversations really are private. 2) for those inclined to gossip, remember that what you are eavesdropping on may not be the whole story. and 3) for those gossiped about: ah, heck. Who cares? Not everybody is gonna like you, anyway. Do what you can to correct lies and misconceptions, then try to let it go (I'm still working on this one).

THL Aveline

Like you, the letting go has / is also an issue...

I am doing my best to get past that... That is why I have joined this forum, and am hoping to learn more on the proper Etiquette do's and do not's..... For as much as the other areas I had played are informal, this one goes to the other extreme and is .......... how can I put this nicely.... FORMAL... I have another adjective to place in front though figure it is not best to do so....

We have also discovered, they may want your help... They want you to do it their way... Do not divert from how things have always been done... That doesn't work will well with me all the time either.... When I was employed, I was the "fix it / resolve it" person.... For a major trucking company in Fountain Hills, They had an issue with cross referencing equipment drivers with truck drivers, etc... So I solved the problem by creating an complete excel data base... Ironically I compertized myself right out of a job... LOL....

anyways.... I fully understand you frustration.... Although I would say by your title you have managed to stick it out for the most part... That is what I am hoping to do... For I understand that certain people attend populace and practices.... but the really cool people attend the functions... sssssooooo

Sadly our first major function we are not able to attend do to some pretty hairy mundane issues.... Hoping some of that quiets down before the "Toy Box" thingy and 12th Night function...

Thank you for your time and IF you have any knowledge you are willing to pass on, I am very willing to learn, especially when it comes to the Pomp and Ceremony of this game as that appears to be what our Barony focuses on...

Ealasaid von Tartalome wrote:


It's always nice to know you're not alone... As for any specifics on Pomp and Ceremony, I wouldn't know where to begin. From what I hear customs can be very different Kingdom to Kingdom. Also, I come from Northshield, a fairly laid back Kingdom and the Shire of Vilku Urvas, a VERY laid back little group. It sounds like you're already doing what you should be doing. Taking a step back and observing. Make note of things that people do that you don't understand. Ask one of the friendlier sorts. It shouldn't be too long before you get things figured out.

And then... when you're feeling a bit more confident about your place in your Barony, I hope you will remember how you felt to start. Perhaps you will will be able to help a newcomer avoid some of the trouble you had to go through!

"I hope you will remember how you felt to start. Perhaps you will will be able to help a newcomer avoid some of the trouble you had to go through!"

This I guess is the reason I am doing my best to put together a way of helping others become members... I worked in our SCA boothe at the county fair this past August... I was truly amazed at how me people thought the SCA was by invitation only... It made me realize just how closed off some members of our group have made our barony appear to outsiders....

Yes I brought this up to our Baron and Baroness.... Although they heard me, I am not sure they understood if that makes any sense....

That seems to be our biggest obstacle as newcomers... "this is how it has always been done" is not the answer when asked "Why are we doing things this way" and yet that seems to be their only answer... And when we suggest a different way, we are either shinned or it becomes very clear our "suggestions" are not wanted though they attempt to make it seem as though they are....

I honestly would love to see our Barony grow... We live in an area with over 100K residents.... There is no reason why our populace meeting barely top 40 and our entire rolls prolly net 150.... that is barely 1% of our entire population... That is not good odds....

Anyways.... Thank you...

Well, I do have a few quick suggestions.

First, I recommend that if you like to help, but don't understand court much, you may wish to have someone point out the "players" to you before you ask a Principality Princess permission to address the populous instead of asking the Queen's permission.

Second, if you're ever on your knees in front of your King and Queen for any reason, and the Queen goes to hug you, make sure your hands make it well past her ribcage before you begin the squeezing part of the hug -- Medieval garb is deceptive and the girls don't end where you might think they do. As a side note, I should share that many Queens are very gracious and understanding.

Finally, if you are in someone else's camp at a camping event, please please please, ask permission before you send your children to pet the cute doggie. He is only cute until he pees on me and knocks everyone within a 3' radius on their collective fannies trying to get away from your children.

Not that I know any of this from personal experience or anything.

Mi'ladye

Thank you for your insight... Thankfully I have not as of yet attended any function in which our high royalty has been in attendance. Although I am sure that day shall come....

So far my hoof in mouth disease has managed to be centered on and around my local barony...

First I accidentally signed 2 post to our Barony's yahoo group as Ladye. Ironically I had been working on writings for another aspect in my life at the same time. In that aspect I am called Ladye because I am not fond of the other "name" to which we are called. Anyways....

Second on the same group page, after a major local function; I publicly thanked a near by Shire for making myself and my "troll" feel welcomed.. We have found our Barony to be rather stand-offish and not real included to welcome NON-fighters into the fold.

The third and final aspect was again on said group page. To which I asked a question concerning an up coming MAJOR camping event.... When I finally received a response, it struck my very very wrong... Almost like "Duh idiot"... Many have said that is not the way it was intended, and others were like WOW yeah.... SSSSSooooo Now not to make any excuses, the day I had received said response was a very very bad day in part of a very very bad week... So that just compounded it...


I guess that is where I am having the most trouble.... Fitting in with this particular group, to which I must fit in IF I wish to continue to play this game....

I apologized for the first offense... The second I blew off as people getting their noses bent out of shape... The third I deleted myself from the group and felt the to step back and do my best to decide if this is what I really want to do... Ironically this forum has brought back into light why I play... Because there are so many of that just do this to have fun...

As for "graces", they almost seem to come naturally for me... Not sure why or if it is because I have taken part before... Dunno...

Anyways..... I agree with the puppy thing.... I own a pair of very cute little (yeah right) puppies... For the most part they are quiet and easy to handle... However it does not take mich to excite them, at which point... Yeah.. not a pretty site....

Again thank you for your wisdom....

Mi'ladye

Thank you for your insight... Thankfully I have not as of yet attended any function in which our high royalty has been in attendance. Although I am sure that day shall come....

So far my hoof in mouth disease has managed to be centered on and around my local barony...

First I accidentally signed 2 post to our Barony's yahoo group as Ladye. Ironically I had been working on writings for another aspect in my life at the same time. In that aspect I am called Ladye because I am not fond of the other "name" to which we are called. Anyways....

Second on the same group page, after a major local function; I publicly thanked a near by Shire for making myself and my "troll" feel welcomed.. We have found our Barony to be rather stand-offish and not real included to welcome NON-fighters into the fold.

The third and final aspect was again on said group page. To which I asked a question concerning an up coming MAJOR camping event.... When I finally received a response, it struck my very very wrong... Almost like "Duh idiot"... Many have said that is not the way it was intended, and others were like WOW yeah.... SSSSSooooo Now not to make any excuses, the day I had received said response was a very very bad day in part of a very very bad week... So that just compounded it...


I guess that is where I am having the most trouble.... Fitting in with this particular group, to which I must fit in IF I wish to continue to play this game....

I apologized for the first offense... The second I blew off as people getting their noses bent out of shape... The third I deleted myself from the group and felt the to step back and do my best to decide if this is what I really want to do... Ironically this forum has brought back into light why I play... Because there are so many of that just do this to have fun...

As for "graces", they almost seem to come naturally for me... Not sure why or if it is because I have taken part before... Dunno...

Anyways..... I agree with the puppy thing.... I own a pair of very cute little (yeah right) puppies... For the most part they are quiet and easy to handle... However it does not take mich to excite them, at which point... Yeah.. not a pretty site....

Again thank you for your wisdom....

I deep apologize for the double post... My system hung up and I clicked submit again... not realizeg it had went through...

As a note of interest to this thread on the Lochac mailing list recently was a discussion about titles and the appropriate/inappropriate use of them.

>In the SCA, a partial list of the "maximum" titles is as follows:
>
>King, Queen: Your Majesty
>Prince, Princess, Crown Prince, Crown Princess: Your Highness
>Duchy: Your Grace
>County, Viscounty, Landed Barony, Court Barony: Your Excellency
>Knight: Sir, Dame.
>Laurel, Pelican: Master, Mistress, Dame.
>Award of Arms: Lord, Lady.
>
>Some people like to add Honourable Lord/Lady for bearers of Grants of
>Arms. This is post-period but inoffensive.
>
>I say "maximum" title, because it's never inappropriate to use a lower
>title. For example, suppose our old friend and cautionary tale Sir
>Cornelius were to become king again. It would be entirely correct to
>call him Your Majesty, Your Highness, Your Grace, Your Excellency, Sir
>Cornelius, Master Cornelius or Lord Cornelius. I can't imagine he'd
>ever be pompous enough to correct you for any of these. Well, not if
>Wendy were listening... she'd probably slap him with an uncooked
>pizza.
>


They also discussed the use of "Lord/Lady" when no award of arms was given and concluded that whilst technically incorrect in the society it is acceptable as all members of the society are considered to be nobility.

My recommendation is to always use the title of Lord or Lady until you know otherwise or use the more inoffensive "m'lord" or "m'lady".

Cristoval

Cristoval Ramirez de la Fuente wrote:


This may be a regional thing. In this area, anybody "mistakenly" calling themselves Lord or Lady is quickly corrected and then usually instructed to use "milord/m'lord" and "milady/m'lady". The difference, as it has been explained to me, is whether or not the "L" is capitalized.

Also, the use of "Dame" is a personal preference. I know of at least one female night that prefers to be call "Sir".

In the end, if you really don't know how to address somebody, ask. Most people won't mind if you ask... and those who do, shouldn't.